ACT I

Body: hey bro sorry about the chest cold followed immediately by terrible allergy shit

Me: So we're done being sick for a while, then. Right?

Body: um

Me: what the entire damn hell do you mean "um"

Body: we sorta brought your stepdad's stomach bug home

Me: GODDAMMIT

Body: It's just a little one! You'll feel mostly OK. Other than the barfing, anyway. There wasn't anything you particularly wanted to eat tonight, was there?

Me: Fuck you.

ACT II

Stomach: gonna hurl

Me: Again? Ugh, fine. *gets up* *sits on bathroom floor* *waits*

[half an hour later, nothing has happened]

Me: FFS, if you're going to do the thing, DO THE THING.

Stomach: lol I was just fuckin w/you bro

ACT III

Stomach: gonna hurl

Me: Are you serious this time?

Stomach: yep

Me: Fine. *gets up* *sits on bathroom floor* *waits*

[half an hour later, nothing has happened]

Me: COME ON

Stomach: ahahahahaha I can't believe you fell for it again ok no I'm cool now, really